Is it contagious?

It goes without saying that my perceived success and failure addressing the challenges presented by managing a chronic health condition are largely affected by my environment. On a day working from home -- when fluid intake, calories, and energy expenditure are easily controlled -- things are wonderful. Things aren't as easy when scheduling has created multiple back and forth meetings that require moving between locations or when the sheer number of things that must be accomplished appear to depend solely on stamina. However, environment is not simply the physical space or activities that structure the day. People matter, too.

There have been a few splashy articles recently about how happiness and loneliness are "contagious." I also recently had a conversation with a friend who talked about how "draining" it can be dealing with individuals who are experiencing a lot of stress. This echoes the hypotheses of the studies that have garnered so much attention -- as individuals we are subject to and influenced by the behaviors and energy of those around us. I won't quibble with the science. I can only speak from my experience and try to use it as a guide for helping to build my capacity to handle the frustrations that I encounter on daily basis as I live low residue.

In short, talking to sad people makes me sad. I find myself empathizing with the problems or struggles that others are confronting. This is particularly true of close friends and family. There are two things that compound the effects of this empathy. First, I don't particularly like the effects of feeling bad and attempt to suppress them in an effort to not bring people down with me. Of course, this doesn't always work well and can have serious consequences when it backfires. (I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Oh wait, I'm not.)

Second, I relate through thoughts and emotions -- usually on a level that is far from superficial. No good at small talk, I often (unconsciously) seek out the meanings and motives behind others' words and actions. This is an excellent skill when applied in complex professional or personal situations that require analysis to "get to the heart of an issue" It is not so excellent when the situation calls for far less. It can draw out frustration or concern and it can unnecessarily heighten emotions at times when the exact opposite is needed. Sometimes things need to be kept light in order to help others and oneself address whatever problems they're confronting.

So, what to do? I am not going to start avoiding all the sad people I know. On the contrary, I have had success in the past helping some people to figure out what is bothering them and what they can do to change it. But, I need to work at keeping it positive and focused so to not allow myself to get dragged down into the negative feelings with them. That's no good for anyone.

Also, I need to be more forthright about the issues that I am confronting. Often, I don't have a problem sharing the issue -- I have a problem sharing my inability to address the issue. That's a control thing -- a desire not to be seen as not on top of things. This is not foolproof and sometimes (maybe most times) it is better to admit when things are not going well. Admitting weakness can be a strength.

So, how exactly does this relate to living low residue? Well, the energy or feeling that I most want to promote is peace of mind. The unpredictability of my health can often be at odds with this peace -- there is an uneasy equilibrium between wanting to be prepared to deal with anything and not wanting to live each moment like the worst is about to happen.

Dealing with individuals who do seem to be facing the worst provides an opportunity to remind them and myself that things aren't always that bad. This means keeping commiseration to a minimum and spreading positive thoughts and good cheer whenever the opportunity presents itself.

This reminds me that I need to start pulling recipes for my holiday cookies!