Day Sixty-Four

I ended up taking three days off at the end of the week. I think I would have been better with just two, but I am content that I reached my fitness goals. Today marks the start of a new week and I am already off to a good start. I went to the gym today and got in a solid 50 minutes on the Elliptical. I finished up the session with a good burn on the leg press machine and I'm prepared for a more intense workout tomorrow.

I am sure that I can reach my goal again next week. Taking a few days helped me avoid boredom, but I know that I'll need to switch up my routine (there's more to life than the Elliptical) to help keep myself motivated and working at a similar intensity.

Asking for Help

It seems at times that the most effective way to manage a chronic health condition is to minimize its impact on your life and too focus on the positive. This strategy make work a significant part of the time, but it is bound to fail at some point. Having a chronic health condition means that one is not fine all the time. It is simply a reality. During a flare or when experiencing complication it almost becomes easier to pretend that things aren't as bad as they seem, but they are. And, not being able to communicate what is happening or the effects that it has on your physical and mental health can cause problems that linger long after a flare goes away. The "grin and bear it" mentality must make room for the "this really does suck" mindset every once in a while. This does not have to be the first step on a slippery slope of pity parties. In fact, asking for help and receiving it is a natural part of the healing process. One just has to remember to nurture and give back in the times when they are feeling well again.

This is Not Top Scallop

I love Top Chef. At best, the routine and discipline demanded by my diet makes planning meals and eating a chore. At worst, it is something that inspires fear and loathing. The hours that I whittle away planning my diet (or, more accurately -- planning to avoid eating things that are not in my diet) does not inspire me to want to cook or have fun in the kitchen. Top Chef changes that. Seeing the culinary artists at work -- the pride they demonstrate in their craft and the colors, flavors, and smells it produces reminds me that food can be enjoyed and that the emotions evoked need not be negative. Top Chef makes me want to test myself in the kitchen and I think that the coming winter months will provide an opportunity to refine my low residue recipe portfolio. First on the list, of course, is scallops.

Don't Call it a Cure

The colon manifests symptoms, but is not the actual cause of inflammation in ulcerative colitis. So why would removing it be the cure? Isn't that like removing your head when you have a headache or your ear during an earache. Isn't a cure supposed to treat the cause instead of the symptoms? Pondering this stuff could send one around in circles. However, the absurdity of trying to remove a head for a headache goes a long way towards helping me see the hilarity of treatment for IBD.

It's not lost on me that doctors use language like "managing symptoms" when discussing new drugs. Cure seems to be a word reserved for races and researchers. I am a strong supporter of these efforts and have donated dollars for many a cause, but I just don't have doctors that talk about cures. Maybe they learned to talk about "manging symptoms" in a class devoted to managing expectations? It is fine and even necessary for surgeons and cutting edge researchers to talk about new advances and fix alls, but I suspect that the practitioners charged with the day-to-day care of chronic health conditions spend more time worrying about patients taking medicine and not developing troublesome side effects. Is this right?

Should doctors be talking about cures?

Crazy Cardio Stats: A success

Crazy Cardio Stats: Days 57-63

Saturday – 40 minutes Elliptical; 20 minutes Treadmill; 30 minutes Upper Body Strength Training & Abs
Sunday – 40 minutes Elliptical; 25 minutes Lower Body Strength Training & Abs
Monday – 40 minutes (moderate) Walking; 40 minutes Elliptical
Tuesday - 25 minutes (moderate) Walking; 40 minutes Elliptical; 5 minutes Abs
Wednesday - 25 minutes (moderate) Walking
Thursday - 25 minutes (moderate) Walking



Minutes to go: Who knows?! I already reached my goal and I have a day to go!

Day Sixty-Two

Yesterday was a so so day.

I decided to forego the gym. I think I would have been able to scrape up the energy to go, but my muscles felt extraordinarily fatigued and I felt a rest day would better equip me to do an effective cardio and strength training workout tonight. However, I feel tired and overly sluggish today and don’t have the same excitement for my workout that I did just days ago. I am not sure if it is the cumulative effects of so much activity or the result of little exercise and (comparatively) poor eating last night. I stayed within my calorie limits, but it was through a combination of poor choices.

I am hopeful that my enthusiasm and energy will pick up as the day progresses. I’ve known for a long time that the mindset is critical and that confidence in my ability to accomplish my goal is the difference between success and failure. I need to remind myself of why I am putting in the effort and how it is beginning to payoff. So, with a thought to focusing on the positive:

Including today, I have gone to the gym 8 of the past 13 days.

I have written consistently in my food diary for the past 9 days.

I have consumed at least 8 ounces of water for the past 9 days. (Not necessarily something to boast, but I wasn’t doing it before so I give myself credit!)

For my efforts:

I have felt good in everything that I have put on this week.

Stop. Did I just write that? Wow. Every morning this week I have picked out an outfit, tried it on and felt good about the way I looked! I wouldn’t have realized it if I hadn’t written this down, but it is true. I even wore a pair of pants yesterday that I haven’t worn in several months. I unpacked my clothes this weekend and had to stuff a drawer full of items that just don’t fit – they’re 5-10 pounds away from where I am now. I put them in another closet because I thought looking at them ever day when I was getting ready would set me up for failure. Who wants to start off the day that way? I left behind all the items that do fit and I have been focusing on looking good and maximizing what I can wear. It’s working.

The scale is moving down.

I am not going to put very much stock in this because any real trend will become evident over time. My weight has fluctuated within a 6 pound range over the past week and a half and it looks to be consistently going down. However, much of this could be water and I don’t want to get too caught up in the exact number yet.

I feel stronger physically.

My heart rate goes up and my brow begins to perspire as I make my morning jaunt to the subway, but it gets better each day. My legs protest when I go up and down the stairs, but I see and feel the results in everything I do. A burn settles in to my quads as I start my cycle on the Elliptical, but it soon gives way to resolve to finish the routine that I’ve set out for myself.

I feel stronger mentally.

I am completely confident that I can and will achieve my goals. I find reasons to smile in the morning and throughout the day and the ups and downs seem to effect me less.

Day Sixty-One

am going to reach my goals this week. This is the first time since I started writing that I can say that I concretely achieved a goal within the time period. And, it is not just one – the crazy cardio challenge has been fun. However, evenly spacing small meals and focusing on my water intake has been consistent as well. My sleep has been off for the past few days – I have been waking up in the middle of the night. But, I am still averaging 7 hours per night.

Getting a schedule down for my commute has been really helpful. It’s like a good diet – having a nice frame or base from which to work makes the deviations a little less harmful. Obviously, I can’t control meetings and evening events – but, sticking to this at least three nights of week will be great. Here is how it shapes up:

7:15 Up; Breakfast; Get Ready
8:20 Walk to Subway (.6 mi)
8:35 Depart Subway One Stop Early for Starbucks!
8:45 Walk from Starbucks to Work (.7 mi)
9:05 Start the Work Day; Focus on Water and Mini-Meals
6:30 Depart Work for Gym
7:00 Arrive Gym; Workout for Hour (50 minutes of Cardio w/stretching or 30/30 split of Cardio and Strength Training)
8:00 Depart Gym/Get on Subway
8:25 Depart Subway; Walk Home (.6 mi)
8:40 Arrive Home
10:30 Bedtime

The planner in me views the above as near perfection. Why? Because I believe that planning + discipline = goal achievement. The coming winter months are challenging. It gets dark sooner and the cold weather drives me home to eat instead of to the gym. However, I am really determined to make this work and looking at it in print makes the crazy cardio challenge slightly less crazy, too. I am sure I can keep this up for at least the next four weeks as I’d originally planned. And, then I can see where I stand.

Next Week – I know already that it will be challenging next week because of jury duty and at least one planned dinner. I will have to leave the house earlier in order to make it to Starbuck’s before getting to the Courthouse at 8:30. However, I will be done earlier, which means I can push up my gym time by a 60-90 minutes and then get home and get to bed earlier. Perfect!

Fighting Fatigue

Fatigue

I said earlier that fatigue is the enemy and I meant it. I seem to spend as many hours trying to plan rest (really) as I do counting calories. There is some sort of cosmic irony that it exhausts me trying to get rest. I am constantly fighting without myself (especially on the weekends) to sit down and relax. It feels like I work hard during the week with little time to get the stuff done that I need and when the weekend comes I am ready to go!

Unfortunately, failing to carve out appropriate rest time on the weekends sets me up for failure the following week. What is more, I view weekends as the perfect time to get in intense workouts that I don’t always have the time for on weekdays. This process (usually a Saturday morning) provides great short-term energy, but eventually it dwindles and by Sunday mid-afternoon I am done. If I am not careful, then overdoing on the weekend (and weekdays) can affect my sleep, ability to exercise, and diet for days to come. I am trying out some new things to get my energy boosted and it is my hope that I will see an improvement over the next couple of weeks. (I realize that trying like crazy to get in 350 cardio minutes may seem to contradict efforts to relax, but I am counting a percentage of my commute in my totals and gym time has to be like eating in order for me to be successful. The how and what of going can vary, but the going is non-negotiable.

Fatigue-Busting
I looked online, reviewed my food journals, talked to my doctors and reflected on what I could do to increase my energy. This is what I came up with:

1) Drinking at least 10 glasses of water every day. I have been lax here and I shouldn’t be.
2) Taking a multivitamin with iron. The absorption problem is an issue, but my doctor recommended a chewable kids version. This – on top of shakes, bars, and vitamin-fortified cereals – is a no-brainer.
3) Eating 6 small meals evenly-spaced throughout the day. Stabilizing my energy levels throughout the day prevents sugar binges, which increase poor eating and fatigue.
4) Going to bed by 10pm. We moved nearly three weeks ago and the television still has not been set-up. Coming home in the evenings and focusing on decompressing has helped me sleep more. I also think I sleep better.
5) Exercising daily. It is hard to go to the gym when you’re tired and at times, I have been known to overdo it in this department. However, I think physical activity helps much more than it hurts. Some days I get to the gym and feel like I can only do 20 minutes – I think that’s ok because you don’t know what you can do until you push yourself. Some days I don’t get to the gym at all, but that’s okay. On the really difficult days, I make sure to take the long way on my commute, do a few push-ups, take extra stairs or anything that reminds my body that I expect more from it in the days to come.
6) Planning to relax. I told my mom recently that managing a chronic health condition feels like a part-time job some days. Juggling doctor appointments, writing down foods and liquids, feeling the need to be attuned to seemingly minor symptoms that may portend something more serious -- the time and discipline required takes its toll. It is admittedly self-driven. I don’t know if everyone approaches it this way -- I think that my need to understand and analyze habits can be maddening when applied to my own health. This wanes on occasion, but usually comes back in full force if something goes wrong or I start to feel ill. The remorse one feels for eating one too many dessert or having one too many drink is nothing compared to the regret that comes when you feel that you could’ve avoided feeling ill.

My doctors are quick to reassure me that much of what I experience is outside of my control, but much doesn’t mean all. Little things like sleep, diet, and exercise make a difference and those are the things that I am trying to address. This need to plan for all of these factors results in me sometimes forgetting what true relaxation feels like. Turning the brain off – ignoring all of the things that I have to do can be difficult and my best strategy has been to set aside actual time to do this. Friday nights and Sundays after 2 are usually good for this and I like to keep a least 1 weeknight free. Anything more, however, and I start to get too comfortable. I haven’t yet figured out how to relax without also saying “I don’t care what I eat!” or “I can stay up all night reading a book or watching Grey’s reruns!” Too much relaxation can be a bad thing.

Day Sixty

It’s been three weeks. It took me a while to calculate the date, but that is about write. I want to take stock of where I have been and where I think I am now.

Nutrition
The week of my move and the following week were not so great. I spent four days surrounded by Southern cooking (need I say more), moved (lots of takeout), settled in (still lots of takeout, but now layered with fatigue) and finally got myself on track. I now have a schedule that makes me proud.

For the past week, I have been eating breakfast every day, drinking at least 8 oz of water, and striving to eat approximately 6 meals (about 250kcal ea) per day. The day looks something like this:

Breakfast
Protein Cereal w/ Milk (225)
Coffee (35)

Snack
Bar (110)
Fruit Chips (40)
Coffee (60)

Lunch
Veggie Salami Sandwich (180)
String Cheese (80)

Snack
Greek Yogurt (90) w/ Vitamin 100 cereal (110) or Bar (190)
Coffee (60)

Dinner
Seared Tuna w/olive oil or Veggie Sausage Sandwich (180)

Snack
100 Calorie Cake & ½ glass wine or cocktail (250) or
WW dessert (180)

Exercise
I have yet to fully complete the cardio challenge, but I am on pace to try to complete it this week. I had hoped to go through several cycles over the past month, but life intervened. I will post my stats separately, but I am on schedule to complete this week. (As long as I get enough sleep – it is clear to me that this is the critical component that knocked me off during the week of the move and subsequently. New commute, new schedule, endless boxes to unpack.)

On the upside, my new commute is great from a cardiovascular standpoint. I walk approximately 1.3 mi (some of it on an incline) before I sit at my desk every day. Another ½ of that on the way home and my afternoon trip to Starbuck’s leads to at least 2 miles per day! I’m still playing around with the ideal workout times now that the commute and schedule are different. I don’t know if there is a “best” strategy yet – I am sure something will emerge soon (when the weather changes) and for now I am trying to do what is comfortable and reach my Crazy Cardio Goal. This means going whenever possible.

Everything Else
Fatigue is the enemy. I am sure there are several causes to the fatigue that I can spend hours analyzing, but I won’t. The fact is that I seem like I am tired often and I need to do something to fix it. I have spoken with a few doctors and am trying to integrate some new (and not so new) habits into my daily living. Most of these are common sense, but as stated earlier – life intervenes. Unfortunately, 1-2 weeks of me failing to be on top of my game has a ripple effect. So, -- I would really like to whine a bit more about how annoying it is to pack mini-lunches, pace my activity on the weekends, etc. – but, instead I hear my husband’s voice “keep it focused” egging me on. I’ll post later on the fatigue issues.

Day Thirty-Seven

I'm on track for the week! Taking my workout clothes on the trip and my eating is on track. I just need to focus on not being stressed.

Day Thirty-Five

Today marks five weeks of using blogging as a tool for maximing my nutrition and exercise goals. I have seen little progress on the scale, but believe that I have set the groundwork for a process that will eventually help me lose weight. I cite as evidence of this progress my decision to spend the evening working out. I managed to have a reasonable dinner with a friend followed by a 60-minute session of cardio and training followed by a leisurely walk home. In many ways, this evening was symbolic of what I would like this journey to be. It was a great end to the week and it will help me start next week on the right note.

I did not reach my goal of 350 minutes of cardio for the second week in the row. Next week I am traveling, but I do not plan to use that as an excuse. It will be harder to manage my diet while on the trip. I recently traveled to Atlanta and found the lowfat, low residue options to be limited. I plan to come prepared with bars, soy jerky, and 1-point desserts that will help satisfy my cravings and help me avoid the lure of restaurant fare. I plan to blog daily about my efforts and to use tomorrow and Sunday as a starting point (e.g., staying within points, 60-90 minute workouts) for reaching my goals.

Day Thirty-Four

I didn't make it to the gym today. I spent the evening volunteering for the CCFA and I have to day that I have no regrets about skipping my workout for this opportunity. Committing time and money to the organization has become an increasingly important part of my life. Interacting with individuals who live with IBD is a reminder of all that I have accomplished despite the odds. My twenty-eight birthday is approaching, which means I have lived with this disease for nearly twenty-three years. I have more than lived with it -- I have thrived. And, each day I make food choices and workout choices and life choices that others with IBD aren't able to make. For them, the disease is a real barrier to life and employment.

Tomorrow, I am going to return to my workouts. The pain and frustration that I felt yesterday during training is nothing compared to the fear and doubt that I confront when experiencing a flare or hospitalization. In fact, it is silly to complain about the sweat and tears of a training session when I sat in a hospital bed 16 months ago worrying that I would never return to the comfortable adult life I'd come to take for granted. Volunteering is supposed to be selfless, but for me it is selfish. The commitment I have made to the organization for the next year is driven in part by my commitment to myself to not forget what motivates me to succeed. I want to do everything in my power not to end up back in that hospital bed and I want to know that if -- by chance -- I do, that I pushed myself in the interim months to be everything that my doctors, family, and friends have supported me to be. I owe it to myself and to them.

So, tomorrow I will come as close as possible to reaching my goal. I will follow up my training with a cardio session. I will then begin the next week with my weight tracker, a 350 minute cardio goal, and a renewed sense of commitment -- not just to myself, but to all those individuals who have provided the care and support to help me maintain my health for all of these years.

Crazy Cardio Challenge Stats

WEEK 1:

Starting Weight - 141.6 (WW)

Saturday -- 50 minutes (Treadmill)
Sunday -- 60 minutes (Treadmill); 20 minutes Strength Training
Monday -- 60 minutes (Elliptical)
Tuesday -- 20 minutes (Treadmill)
Wednesday -- 60 minutes (Elliptical); 10 minutes Strength Training
Thursday -- none
Friday -- none

Minutes until Goal: 90 :(


WEEK 2:

Starting Weight - Unknown

Saturday -- 45 minutes Personal Training
Sunday -- None
Monday -- None
Tuesday -- None
Wednesday -- 30 minutes (Elliptical); 30 minutes Personal Training
Thursday -- None
Friday -- 30 minutes (Elliptical); 30 minutes Personal Training

Minutes until Goal: 195 :(